Friday, August 24, 2012

Election (2005)


This is a Hong Kong film and it’s about triads.  If you know anything about triads then you know they’re usually the bad guys.  In this movie though, it’s more than just cops vs. triads because that would probably be so boring.  Simon Yam plays a lead character and you can be grateful he does because he can actually act.  Don’t get me wrong the movie isn’t filled with bottom feeding acting but a few guys could use some more classes if you get me.  Anyway I like Simon Yam he was in IP Man and that’s my favorite martial arts flick.  Now it’s not about martial arts, I don’t want to mislead you.  I can see the action fighting junkies drooling now but let me stop you.  Don’t beat me up just watch Flashpoint it’s probably more for you.  Enough of my antics let’s just get to the movie.

The story is about the inner turmoil the triad society is going through.  In the triad system a man gets elected by vote to be chairman, a very prestigious position.  Well this guy (Big D) loses out to Lok (Simon Yam) and he goes bananas.  He wants to deny tradition and thrust himself into sole power of the triad society.  That starts fire that will burn throughout the movie and it moves along very well.  The cops nab them for causing so much trouble.  The cops know they can’t stop or end the triads so they basically tell them to get their society back in line.  If the triads have a correct organization at least the cops won’t have to work as hard, they will govern themselves.  It’s the “in-fighting” the cops actually can’t stand. 

A main catch to the plot is the ‘Baton’.  It’s a sacred item that the chairman must have in his possession to prove he is the leader.  Each side within the triad is trying to get it and eventually Lok does.  Big D never wants to give in until he finally accepts Lok’s proposal to gain more territory in Hong Kong to improve the society and those within financially.  It would seem all is well near the end until Big D gets some fresh ideas that don’t go over too well with Lok.  What happens?  I’ll save that for you to watch and trust me it’s worth it.

I’ve visited Hong Kong a few times and it’s great to see some of the places and streets I’ve been down.  The memories that creep back out of my mind are a welcome joy to experience.  I encourage you to give the American cinema a break and test foreign waters and you’ll discover that there truly is another world out there.  Adam Sandler’s latest idiotic comedy can wait, give Hong Kong a chance.  The director of ‘Accident’ also directed this one so if you did watch that one then you should be hurrying to Netflix now.

Rating: 8.5 of 10


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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Gremlins (1984)

Welcome to the Gremlins review!

I trust you have your reading glasses as this isn’t your average size review.

I’ve been trying to write this review for months and I promise you whenever I tried to the computer would crash, my electricity would go out or I’d mysteriously find the power cables to my computer station ripped apart.  I couldn’t put my finger on it until that one fateful night..

Introduction
But that’s another story for another time we’re here now to take a look at my second favorite movie of all time.  I admire this film for its basic formula.  You begin in a small area located in Anytown, USA.  It’s that place where everyone knows everybody.  It’s a quaint, docile and peaceful place where the American dream hasn’t died yet until a foreign element gets introduced.  That element comes in the form of a ‘Mogwai’.  Now luckily for me I have access to translate what that means into English for all of you, by way of my wife.  ‘Mogwai’ is Chinese, specifically Cantonese for ‘monster’.  Our cute little pal Gizmo may not be a monster but its offspring fit the ticket.  Some people may believe this aspect of the movie is suggesting that foreign influence in America is causing problems or is it just part of the story?  I never delved too deeply into metaphors but for this particular movie it’s neat to wonder.  Is the original form and behavior of Gizmo good natured at first so the foreigner can safely get a foothold in America then transform into chaos in the form of a gremlin?  To me this theory is a bit foolish but I enjoy twisting it around in my mind.

The ending of the movie shows the respectful old Chinese man coming to take his ‘Mogwai’ back after being swindled by his own grandson.  He strongly implies that the family wasn’t ready for the heavy responsibilities of the ‘Mogwai’.  He’s quite right of course.  He goes on to add that the family treated it the same way that our American society has treated all of natures gifts, poorly.  What a burn!  It’s a cultural jab from Asia to America and it rings loud and clear.  Is it meant for story though or is it sending a message through a movie?  I’ve always allowed myself to enjoy this movie for what it is on screen but after reading so much about the gremlins franchise I’ve come across apparent ‘hidden messages’ such as this one in the movie.  I believe this movie has been viewed so metaphorically because it’s a classic through and through.  If people didn’t like it then it would be buried and long forgotten.

I love this movie for the memories it has brought me year after year of watching it.  I love this movie for that time when I was 11 and watched it on December 31 and our old ding-dong clock struck midnight just as the ending credits rolled up.  I love this movie for the creepy, scary and mean-spirited gremlins.  I love this movie because it frightened me as a child.  I love this movie because I can see the wires holding up the gremlins arms from time to time.  Finally, I love this movie for tipping the scales on the family cinema deadbeats.  It starts off fun, cute and jolly then turns evil, ugly and nasty.  You can’t pull that off anymore with all the softness in this era.  We kids used to be tough and able to handle a scary little green monster even at Christmas.  I ramble but that’s my nature I do hope you understand what I mean.

Chinatown
The movie begins in Chinatown with Rand Peltzer being guided by a kid into an old antique shop.  I’ve always liked the car that sits smashed into a pole as he approaches the stairs leading down into the shop.  The people around the car are arguing about what happened is a neat background event going on.  I like Rand’s hesitation about going downstairs too.  Afraid of losing some of the merchandise you’re trying to push around?  You must take a risk!  As he walks around in the shop I remember this being what I thought all of China was like, a dark, dusty and lonely atmosphere.  Back in the 1980’s the influence in my part of the country about China was bleak so all I knew about it was what I caught in movies.  I felt that China was worlds away and there way of life was as alien as another planet.  It’s amazing what you think of as a kid but the world has changed since then.  I honestly didn’t think negatively about a culture I didn’t know.

Getting more than he bargained for
Our pal Rand is an inventor and he tries to sell his shaky inventions to the shopkeeper who isn’t impressed at all.  The bathroom buddy is a quirky invention to peddle though, nice try.  He gives the shopkeeper his card anyway.  Rand keeps hearing a noise off in the distance that eventually draws his attention.  He makes his way to a box holding a mysterious singing being that he must purchase.  He offers up to $200 for it as a present for his kid but the shopkeeper denies sale as he claims it takes much responsibility to care for it.  The grandson of the shopkeeper sneaks the sale anyway in the back alley.  Do you realize what you’ve done?  Of course you do because at least you told Rand the rules for caring for this mysterious new pet.  You must keep it away from bright lights especially sunlight because that will kill it.  Also keep it away from water, don’t get it wet.  What happens if it gets wet though?  The kid leaves that out!  Perhaps it’s information Rand didn’t need?  The most important of all is to not feed it after midnight.  I’m sure all three of these rules will be followed to the letter.

Classic

As the holidays near the sheriff of the town strolls about to get his hands on a Christmas tree for the police station.  He doesn’t want to pay for one and tries to get one for free.  A local catches wind of it and informs the sheriff that he paid for his.  Eat that you cheapskate sheriff!

Meet Billy
We head over to our lead man Billy Peltzer, son of Rand, who is trying to start his POS car to drive to work.  His neighbor Mr. Futterman pulls up in his Kentucky harvester that he is extremely proud of since its American machinery.  He is a loyal citizen that bashes on Billy’s foreign piece of crap car!  Billy decides to hoof it and takes his dog to work with him.  It must be take your dog to work day?  As he runs to work he passes an old school Burger King restaurant, which brings back memories.  Did I say that?  I guess that means I’m getting old.  Remember the Burger King Kids Club?  I better stay on track.  Billy enters the bank as the security guard lets the dog in too.  Hey the dog wasn’t strapped so it clears entry!  Billy’s cute co-worker Kate enters the movie showing an obvious fondness for him.  The mean old lady Mrs. Deagle charges down the street furious about something but when you see her she looks like a person who always has a bug up their butt anyway.  She does stop to inform a lady with two kids that the bank will not be handing out money to them even on Christmas.  Basically you want something awful to happen to this old lady already.

She complains to Billy that his dog broke a fancy snowman of hers and she now wants the dog.  Billy being a nice guy offers compensation but the old lady wants blood, Barney’s blood (the dog).  She gets nasty about what she’ll do to the dog.  I personally find this line as my favorite, “Maybe I’ll put him in my spin dryer on high heat.”  And the local old guy comments, “That’d do it alright.”  That’s all you say?  Not something like what is wrong with you lady?  Are you that demented to treat a dog that way?  It’s awesome though and it sets her up for something special later on no doubt!  The dog eventually jumps up from hiding and destroys the rest of her precious snowman figure while downing the old lady.  A scuttle occurs in which Billy nearly loses his job.  To end the scene Mrs. Deagle fakes that her heart is acting up to gain sympathy from the guys in charge at the bank.

Dorry’s Tavern
Incredible drawing I had to throw it in here
Later that night Billy is having a drink at the bar and sketching, which he seems to have a talent for.  Gerald shows up, his boss at the bank, who is annoying as he looks.  They have a brief conversation but Billy leaves to go to another table but Gerald follows him.  Get the point Gerald he doesn’t want to be around you.  Gerald then brags about how successful he is doing and rubbing it in Billy’s face.  Luckily Billy is a nice guy and does his best to ignore him.  Kate comes to wait on them and Billy learns she waitresses here to save the owner of the bar from paying an extra hand.  I like the exchange between Kate and Gerald.  “Hey Kate you haven’t seen my new apartment.”  “I haven’t seen your old apartment.”  “Come on we’re talking cable, can’t we have dinner tomorrow night?”  “I’m working.”  “Why don’t you tell Dorry you’re sick, he can’t dock your pay.”  My favorite part is how he throws in that he has cable that gets the ladies every time!

The Mogwai
Always so cute & adorable at first
Billy arrives at home to find his mom distraught about something which turns out to be Mrs. Deagle calling about money if I had to guess.  They decide to drop the subject when Dad gets home shortly after.  He brings in a gift that can’t wait until Christmas and let’s Billy open it early.  Hopefully the contents inside are still intact since Billy was ‘baby shaking’ the box.  Rand informs to dim the lights and Billy asks, “Dad what does it do glow in the dark?”  If only that’s all it did Billy, if only.  The unknown contents of the box jump up and surprise Billy as his curiosity rises.  He waits for it to slowly climb up from the box to take a look.  It’s sort of a potentially scary moment as the mogwai reaches up and places its hands on the outer rim of the box.  When you see the cute little guy that all changes of course and you learn his name is Gizmo.  Mom wants to get a picture of Billy and his new pet.  The flash from the camera sends little Gizmo off running to Dad for protection.  It’s here that he remembers to share the rules with everyone.

#$%@ Billy!

Billy and Gizmo get in some keyboard time which accounts for a nice scene.  Of course that ends with Gizmo head first into a trash can after Billy already breaks a rule.  He reflects a bright light off a mirror and shines it directly into Gizmo’s face!  It’s really funny, sorry Gizmo.  Billy is even laughing while he takes Gizmo out of the trash can.  He takes the little guy to the bathroom to bandage up the bump on his head and yet again fails in the bright light department.  He lets Gizmo get a nice blast of light from the bathroom illumination.

Water
Pete (Corey Feldman) arrives at the Peltzer’s with their Christmas tree.  He’s actually dressed as a tree delivering a tree, it’s a neat gag. He discovers that Billy tried to use his Dad’s invention to make orange juice but like the rest of the inventions it didn’t work so well.  What I like about the event is I don’t think Billy cleaned up the huge mess.  He goes upstairs to change his shirt, I suppose it’s possible he did but it’s much more fun to assume he didn’t!  Gizmo meanwhile is in Billy’s room watching TV.  A race car movie of some kind is on and the little guy is really into it, he’s so cute.  Pete meets Gizmo then Billy decides he wants to see if he’ll sing for him.  He moves him onto the desk although couldn’t he sing on the bed where he was?  Gizmo is a performer he needs a stage!  Pete elbows over some paintbrushes on the desk along with some water in an awful attempt to pick up Gizmo and now the setting gets interesting.  Five balls of fur pop out from Gizmo and land on the desk.  They begin to grow and take the form of Gizmo with slightly different attitudes.

Not to be trifled with

The mogwai with the stripe on his head nearly bites off Pete’s finger as he quickly backs off and pouts on the bed.  He’s not crying but he’s a bit defensive as the mogwai tried to get him.  Gizmo looks very grief stricken as he watches his offspring across the desk.  Its apparent Gizmo has had this happen to him before and knows what might be in store.  Billy meanwhile is amazed at the multiplication of the mogwai.

Party at the Peltzer's, soon the whole town
Billy decides to break the news to Dad and heads into his invention room.  Rand is having some difficulty with a card dealing machine by the looks of it.  Before Billy can spit out what he wants to say his dad starts to show off the bathroom buddy again.  It’s like he’s trying to sell it to his kid, it’s funny.  If you follow the scene though you’ll notice the shaving cream is in different spots on Rand from camera shot to camera shot.  My favorite part though is when Rand licks some of it and eats it!  Watch closely, you will notice it!  Billy informs him of what happened upstairs and that’s enough to spark Dad to check it out.  As they come out to look the little devils have already opened some presents!  It’s a video game and I wonder how Rand afforded it considering his apparent money troubles with the bank.  It’s not Christmas yet so it wasn’t from Santa either.  Rand is as amazed as Billy was to find out water did this and he has visions of it replacing the dog as family pet.  You may want to reconsider that.

The mogwai’s, save for Gizmo, managed to sneak out and tangle Barney, the dog, up in the Christmas lights outside.  Billy blames Mrs. Deagle but how could an old lady do that in the middle of the night?  You’re little bundles of joy are up to no good.  Billy decides to take one of them to Mr. Hanson at the local school.  He drops some water on it and makes a mogwai for Mr. Hanson to keep.  Isn’t Billy generous?  You easily could have got $5 for it.

A Gremlin Warning
Billy meets Kate as she closes up Dorry’s Tavern one night.  Mr. Futterman is piss drunk and rambling on and on about gremlins being shipped over in cars and such.  He claims they took down our planes in WWII.  He continues his bashing of foreign merchandise sticking to the made in America theme.  It is funny to watch him and also notice Billy and Kate ignoring his banter.  Let this be a lesson to you all, listen to your local drunk babbling man, he could have some very pertinent information for you.  Kate tricks him into walking home since driving a Kentucky harvester home could lead to problems worse than if a gremlin was driving it.  Billy walks Kate home like a gentleman and they talk about Christmas.  Kate doesn’t celebrate it though and that strikes Billy as absurd.  They bicker a bit but eventually he musters up the courage to ask her on a date.  You know the more I watch this movie the younger Billy gets.  He used to seem much older.  I never thought of that until now.  I’m not getting any younger that’s for sure, ha-ha.  Let’s get back to the movie, sorry.

You just made an enemy Mr. Hanson
Mr. Hanson is working late and sticks his mogwai with a needle for some blood.  The mogwai wasn’t happy about that.  Mr. Hanson takes off for the night but he forgets his sandwich.  The crafty and alert mogwai devours it while you hear the, “Yum Yum” sounds.  It’s spooky and I remember as a kid this part did make me pull the blankets up a bit.  You know this mogwai is one of the bad ones!  Over at Billy’s house Gizmo is checking out some 3D stuff while the other mogwai’s bug the crap out of Billy for some food.  He eventually gets them some chicken, which was sitting in the refrigerator uncovered.  That seems odd to me since everything in my refrigerator is always in some type of container, wife’s rules.  Unlike the mogwai rules you can’t break any of the wife rules, trust me.  Billy did check the clock and it wasn’t midnight yet so I guess its fine.  The little devils destroy that plate of chicken knowing full well what’s going to happen.  Those conniving little turds!  Billy offers Gizmo some but he declines with a look of disgust on his face to his offspring below.

Mom I'm taking off, I'll leave these here with you OK?
Metamorphosis
Billy wakes up the next morning with a surprise.  The mogwai are gone but five turd shaped piles remain on the floor.  Gizmo looks scared out of his mind as he knows what is about to go down.  Mom asks if he got them wet but he didn’t!  He is innocent of breaking the rules on that front.  However he did manage to break the final rule which is not to feed them after midnight.  Congratulations Billy you failed the responsibility test from the old shopkeeper!  Billy then discovers that his clock was not working because the wire was torn apart.  What is going on indeed?  He then heads over to check on Mr. Hanson who has a turd in a cage.  They’re cocoons actually so I’ll cut the crap about the turds.  Did you like that?  I know I’m terrible.  Pete is with them and asks, “What did you say this was called, the putrid stage?”  Close Pete but stay in school.  Mr. Hanson corrects him by informing that it’s the pupil stage.  He adds, “Inside he’s going through changes, lots of changes.”  Pete replies, “Like my mother?”  Not exactly Pete unless your mom is a mogwai.

From feisty to vicious overnight 
Hatching
 Now we’re getting to the creepy part of the movie and none too soon I’ll say.  Mr. Hanson is showing a video in his classroom when his box starts to move and shift on its own.  The dark classroom adds quite a scary effect.  At Billy’s home the cocoons are also hatching while frightening poor Gizmo to death.  Mr. Hanson gives Billy a call informing him that it hatched so Billy heads on over.  Billy why don’t you think straight, what about mom?  Mom couldn’t possibly defend herself against such an unknown being!  What will she do at home?  Mr. Hanson meanwhile decides to get a head start on locating his new best friend.  Is that the best idea at this point?  Well he did come prepared with a candy bar after all.  The scene is scary, especially when I was kid, as he moves around in the dark looking for the gremlin.  The gremlin mutters the infamous, “Ca Ca” that I always crack up on.  Eventually he feeds the gremlin not only the candy bar but his hand as well.  The gremlin exacts revenge and upon killing Mr. Hanson it sticks a needle in his butt for good measure.

I told you Mr. Hanson, I told you
Billy arrives to see Mr. Hanson dead and reaches for the phone only to get clawed by the gremlin.  I love the concealment of the creature at first; you only get a small look at its appearance.  The atmosphere at this point is dark and scary too which adds to what makes this movie incredible.  Billy backs off to watch the gremlin reach for a fake apple and some test tubes to snack on both of which it is dissatisfied of.  It runs off through the ventilation system.  Billy heads to first aid to patch up his wound and encounters the gremlin in the flesh before it runs off again.  Meanwhile mom is getting suspicious of noise coming from upstairs.  The gremlins that hatched in Billy’s house are messing around with Gizmo by throwing darts at him!  Have you no respect for your fellow mogwai?  These gremlins certainly do not as they eventually throw poor Gizmo down the laundry chute.  Mom gets brave and grabs a knife then heads upstairs.  I’m telling you this is one mom I’d never cross, she may look innocent but she is prepared to spill blood.

One of my single favorite screenshots of all time
Mom’s Killing Spree
She makes it up to Billy’s room and notices the broken cocoons.  Billy calls her to tell her the news she pretty much knew already.  A gremlin rips the phone line out while saying, “Phone home, ca-ca!”  That has to be a slight to E.T. and its hilarious!  Music begins playing from downstairs ‘Do you hear what I hear?’  These gremlins do have quite a sense of humor.  She heads down to shut it off on the record player, remember those?  A piece of glass is thrown and nearly hits her that is definitely a startling moment, especially for first time viewers.  Let’s get to the kitchen scene which is one of my favorites in any movie I’ve ever seen.  She creeps up to find one of the gremlins eating her gingerbread cookies.  It hears her and that evil glare it gives as it turns to look is sinister.  It knows she is there but doesn’t seem to be afraid in anyway, it wants the cookies!  She looks again and the gremlin dives head first to eat straight from the blender.  She turns it on and splatters that sucker all over the kitchen.

Beyond well done please
A second gremlin starts to throw plates at her in retaliation.  She grabs up a TV tray to use as a shield and blocks them.  She is a kitchen warrior I tell you.  She’s finally had enough as this monster is destroying all her dinnerware, “Get out of my kitchen!”  She screams as she stabs it repeatedly on the counter top.  She gets attacked by a third gremlin from behind and snatches a can of flea and tick spray.  This can’t be good; she sprays the little monster in the face until she can push it into the microwave.  Is she going to do what we all want her to?  Yes!  She nukes that gremlin until it explodes violently, quite gross.  She has defended her kitchen to perfection and heads out to find some more of these little guys.  I’d say the gremlins might want to consider new tactics.  They do in the form of ambushing her from the Christmas tree!  A fourth gremlin is strangling her on the floor in what looks like her final breaths.  Billy finally comes home and lobs off the gremlins head into the fireplace.  What an amazing introduction scene for the gremlins!

Stripe, the leader of the gremlins, blows his nose on the curtain and crashes outside in escape.  I’ll always remember when my mom said how bad he was when he blew his nose on the curtain.  I suppose that’s something no mother would want to happen to her curtains, ha-ha.  Billy takes his mom to the doctor’s house for safety then ventures back to his home to look over his mom’s handy work.  He finds Gizmo in the laundry and puts him into his backpack but not before exposing little Gizmo to bright light again.  Billy this is why you have gremlin problems!  Respect the rules man! 

Good form
YMCA
Billy heads out to find Stripe and end this before it gets out of hand.  I’m positive he can do it.  He follows Stripe’s footprints to a familiar location, the YMCA.  Isn’t there a pool in that place?  I don’t suppose Stripe would..  Billy heads inside with sword in hand to finish the job.  He ends up getting clawed across the chest by Stripe then watching as the little monster jumps into the pool.  There’s no stopping what’s to come at this point and all Billy can do is run away or be clawed to death by who knows how many gremlins.  I love as Stripe descends into the water that he’s holding his nose.  It doesn’t take long as new gremlins are born.  The music for this movie is amazing.  I love the score playing as the pool area is fogging up and turning chaotic.  Stripe has created new friends and now seeks entertainment for all of them.

Local Police
A logical thing to do would be to let the police know about this strange situation and Billy does just that.  I’m not sure what I would do; probably try to cover up the fact that I was partly responsible for a massive outbreak of gremlins.  Anyway the local police are just a pair of drunken fools interested in a wacky story.  It’s Christmas Eve and crime in a small town like this is probably scarce.  Billy is very serious and trying to warn them of what’s to come but they mock him.  He tells them he got one of these creatures as a present.  The sheriff asks, “Does your father always give you vicious little monsters as a present?”  Its great dialogue because Billy sounds a bit high strung and they’re drunk.  Billy eventually decides to show them Gizmo but for once he asks them to dim the lights!  He finally follows a rule; it’s a freaking miracle and its Christmas time! 

How again do they survive this?
The Futterman’s
A classic older couple is enjoying their countless Christmas Eve together.  Actually the wife seems a bit too merry for the season or the husband is a bit of a grump but it rings the true American spirit if you ask me.  It seems that the monotonous lifestyle they live has hardened Mr. Futterman.  It’s a good thing this isn’t your regular Christmas.  The TV starts to get some major static so Mr. Futterman complains they should have got a Zenith.  He hates foreign anything so for those of you that don’t know your Zenith TV is indeed American made.  He can’t live without his precious TV so he heads outside to check some things out.  What he finds is that gremlins have not only been messing with the antennae but they have taken a liking to his Kentucky harvester.  I love this aspect of the gremlins being reckless with anything technological.  It fits right in with stories of gremlins bringing down airplanes in WWII.  The gremlins, laughing all the way, demolish the house in the Kentucky harvester along with the Futterman’s apparently.  His last words are shouting, “There’s a real gremlin in my cab, AHHH!

Gizmo don't like the 5-0

The scenes begin to change more quickly now as the outbreak of gremlins takes effect.  Remember back to the beginning of the movie with the guy who calmly agrees that to kill a dog by putting it in a dryer on high heat should do it?  His emotionless agreement was odd and not in Christmas spirit that’s for sure so as he tries to send a letter a gremlin mauls his hand inside the mailbox.  It’s a bit of a random scene but it fits in great!  A gremlin elsewhere fools around with traffic lights to cause a car crash too!  It’s awesome to see the chaos begin slowly.  Meanwhile back at ‘drunken cops are us’, the calls start coming in that strange events are occurring throughout the town.  Maybe Billy is right guys.  They tell Billy to go home and stay put basically while they head out to see what’s going on.

A few modifications and you'll be ready to go!
Deagle
Here is another evil and delightful scene for that old hag Mrs. Deagle.  She is a notorious ‘cat lady’ and is a ‘Scrooge’ in her own way.  She hears some wonderful Christmas caroling coming from outside and decides to be a horrible person.  She fetches some water to hurl on the unsuspecting carolers.  Little does she know but a gremlin has made its way into her home and is tampering with her fancy chair that helps her up to the next level in her house.  She opens her front door to do her dastardly deed and nearly has a heart attack!  The gremlins are comically caroling to her as she thinks ‘death’ has come for her.  She panics and climbs into her chair to make an escape.  She rockets up the whirling staircase and blasts out of the window as the gremlins laugh their butts off!  It was Stripes plan all along as he pronounced Deagle as, “Dickle” just before the scene.  This is Stripes movie to control and I’m all for it.

The policemen pull up just in time to see Mrs. Deagle crash land into the snow.  The gremlins keep laughing hysterically at her as the policemen see a man who plays Santa every year come busting out toward them from a house.  He has gremlins all over him and is pleading for help.  “What’s that stuff he’s got all over him?”  The sheriff asks.  The police duo decide to roll up the window and drive away as either sobering up from these events or the gremlins are scaring them beyond belief.  Now that we know the police won’t be of any help what are we to do now?  By the way a gremlin ripped out the brake line in their car while they watched Santa get mauled.  The gremlins are now in control of the night as we wonder what can stop them.
Billy gets his car to start which appears as a miracle to him and he’s off but where to?  His dad meanwhile who is out of town stops off and tries to hawk his smokeless ashtray to a gas station attendant.  He works the holidays and during a snowstorm! 

Looking for a good time?
Dorry’s Tavern – Gremlin Style
It might possibly be the best scene in the movie.  What we have are the gremlins indulging in the confines of a bar so how could this miss?  I’ll do my best to give this justice but seeing it will always remain the ultimate.  Why Kate is still bartending to all these rambunctious creatures is a mystery but she might be afraid of what would happen if she stopped.  The gremlin hanging onto the ceiling fan while it’s spinning is always great.  How about the flasher gremlin?  The environment these guys create is so out of control it’s amazing.  It’s a ‘do whatever you want’ mentality that spawns such wild behavior!  Let’s hit the pool table where they’re using a mallet to hit pool balls into beer bottles set up in bowling pin style! The gremlin shouts “Fore” when he strikes the ball too so how many recreational activities did they combine?  Also note the crazy gremlin in the background with the eight ball lodged in its mouth.

Stripe don't take kindly to cheats
They play video games of course but the main event is the poker table where Stripe is at.  He catches a gremlin cheating and in this society that earns you a gunshot death.  Stripe does this to his own kind.  What would he do to you?  He also thought it was funny afterwards.  It keeps going from gremlins pulling on both the ears of one to another pulling a very long booger from its own nose.  The good times come to a halt when Kate discovers their weakness to light and begins to take Polaroid shots of them.  Stripe notices it and becomes fearful as well but he still holds a gun.  Why not shoot her Stripe?  He leaves that for another of his pals who misses, luckily for Kate.  Billy arrives timely enough and the headlights from his car blind the remaining gremlins.  She escapes the bar while not receiving a single tip no doubt.  Do gremlins tip?  I wonder.  Billy foolishly turns his car off or the gremlins sabotaged it, either way they must flee the ongoing terror in the streets.  They head to the bank where they work for refuge.

Kate’s Story
Easily the part I hated most as a kid watching this movie.  I didn’t care what she had to say, all I knew is that this scene ended some crazy gremlin fun.  Now I love it for its dreary and sadness.  I’m not one of those pain freaks but it’s a meaningful story in Kate’s past that explains why she isn’t a fan of Christmas.  How would you feel if your beloved father died while trying to make his little girl happy Christmas morning?  That would be something you might not ever get over.  It’s amazing how you can go from chaos at a bar to story time in a bank but it works very well.  Billy also explains that these are indeed gremlins since it hasn’t actually been said that they are yet with exception of Mr. Futterman.  Its apparent Gizmo can understand English too as he shows sorrow for her story.  They head outside after some time has passed to see what will happen next.  What else could they be thinking?  I love seeing Gizmo peeking out of Billy’s backpack too, it’s funny.

Always loved this guy
Theater
The gremlins, led by Stripe no doubt, have taken to hiding in the local cinema.  It will be daylight soon so they need a place to hang out until nightfall.  As usual they’re a mess by either swinging from the ceiling by rope or somehow getting a movie to play.  I love the gremlin that has popcorn bags on its ears.  Billy, Kate and Gizmo stumble in to find them all watching ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.  They absolutely love it and even sing along, it’s fantastic!  Stripe gets a case of the munchies and heads out to the concession stands while his buddy says, “Milk Dud.”  Billy has other plans as he sneaks below the theater to release the gas.  Why would he want to do that?  Stripe discovers that there’s no more food out front and with his eagle eyes spots a sign that glows ‘Candy’ in the distance.  Being the leader he is he goes off to get some sweets for his buddies.  Meanwhile below Billy closes the door and sets fire to a cloth or paper of some kind that tails out from the room.  Does he plan to blow up this building?  In this day in age he would be considered a terrorist not a hero.  He’ll always be an arsonist to me though!

For the 4 sec we see him it's hilarious
Billy and Kate try to sneak out the back but get sighted by an angry mob of gremlins that want blood.  The chase scene is incredibly funny and frightening.  As a kid I was always in shock when that chase was on.  It’s as if I kept wondering if they would make it, it’s cool being a kid sometimes when you don’t think the outcome out but live in that moment of anticipation.  I was also scared and feared the worst that they would be caught!  They do make it out and barricade the door then run for cover.  An explosion rocks the small town as the gremlins go into frenzy inside the burning theater.  My favorite is the gremlin holding that knife, cracks me up!  All of Stripes offspring are destroyed in one fell swoop!  He looks on in horror from the department store as the flames climb upward.  Kate spots him and the epic finale is underway.  Stripe says, “Gizmo.”  Then he heads into the store.  I like how Stripe see’s Gizmo as this nemesis he’s encountered before.  Perhaps years ago, since we have no clue how long their kind has been around, this Stripe had come to be from this same mogwai Gizmo.   There were encounters that hold memories from previous versions of this ‘Stripe’ connected by the mogwai Gizmo.  I know that’s deeper than you wanted to think but this is my second favorite movie of all time, I tend to wander looking for water in my desert.

Billy you SOB!
Department Store – Graveyard of Stripe
The one on one matchup is underway as Billy tries to stop the mischievous Stripe!  Kate takes Gizmo to attempt to restore power to the store which would greatly aid in the defeating of Stripe.  Billy grabs a bat and hunts down Stripe.  First we see some old school boom boxes and giant TV’s with huge backsides.  Billy doesn’t care as he bashes and smashes them with his bat mistaking it for Stripe as he appeared on the screen.  Why not destroy everything?  You can always blame it on the gremlins!  I like how Stripe can’t resist the urge to screw around with Billy.  He had a chance to attack Billy right in the face area from a concealed position but chose not to.  Stripe wants Billy to suffer for the massacre of his people!  Kate has no clue what she is turning on in the store and activates the fountain, great job.  Stripe nearly connected a sizable razor blade to Billy’s face.  What I really enjoy is Stripe using a skateboard and tricycle as means of transportation throughout this fiasco.

Rooting for you Stripe
Billy arrives in the sporting goods section and gets beamed with a baseball in the back.  Gizmo has also set off away from Kate in hopes of aiding Billy.  He spots some sunlight seeping in through a window and gets a plan, “Bright light.”  Stripe uses all sorts of crap on Billy like a crossbow which he shoots into his arm.  He also throws lots of random items at him before coming at him with a chainsaw!  Billy somehow deflects it with his bat long enough for Kate to finally get the lights on.  I want to say the lack of weight and strength for Stripe to push down on the chainsaw wasn’t great enough to snap the bat in half.  How about, they don’t make bats like that anymore?  I know it’s tough to swallow for a casual moviegoer but I still love it.  Meanwhile Gizmo ‘lifts’ a pink convertible and drives through the store.  Stripe is forced to retreat because of the light and finds a gun to replace his chainsaw with.  He also locates the water fountain so he’s strapped and ready to multiply.  It’s going to be a merry Christmas for someone.

Bubbly goodness
Rand is back in town and that dog Barney gets the scent of Billy most likely near the department store.  As they drive by the dog jumps out the window and Rand gives chase.  Meanwhile Stripe reaches the fountain and begins the process of multiplying.  Billy is too weak and feeble at this point to be of anymore use and failing is all he’s good for now.  Gizmo is driving like crazy and heading for Stripe!  It’s pretty gross to see the bubbles forming on Stripes back as his offspring grow rapidly inside.  I’d imagine it’s quite painful for Stripe as he looks immobile.  Gizmo flies in to save the day by opening the overhead shade and letting it pour directly onto Stripe.  A nasty, gross and disgusting death scene occurs as Stripe melts away into a puddle of goo.  Rand arrives in time to say, “What the hell is that?”  Something you found in Chinatown!  Farewell Stripe, great effort but your one Christmas present that’s getting mutilated.  You thought I’d say something as lame as ‘returned.’  Shame on you, I’m not so boring.

I won't have what he had

You know what I like about Stripe; he got the classic ‘delayed death bad guy treatment’ as he got one last chance to scare you into ‘soilment’.  He jumps out of the fountain and becomes no more.  Also ‘soilment’ is the act of soiling oneself; sure it’s a real word.

The Shopkeeper Returns
The old man sneaks into the house and startles the, well you know, out of the battle scarred mom.  He wants the mogwai back and claims that the word sold is, “An interesting choice of words.”  I love this guy’s knack for insulting, it gets better.  In case you didn’t know that old man is actually 80 years old, no joke.  I tell you I’d never have guessed if I didn’t look it up.  I don’t know it just amazes me.  “I warned you with mogwai comes much responsibility but you didn’t listen.  And you see what happens.  Aiya.  You do with mogwai what your society has done with all of nature’s gifts.  You do not understand.  You are not ready.”  The old man lectures the family which he has a valid point.  It’s interesting how it’s thought that western civilization isn’t capable of using nature in the correct way.  I believe Gizmo represents the delicacy of nature and how it must be treated but we fail or at the time of the movie we did anyway.  Either way for story line or actual meaning I admire it.

The heartfelt parting of Gizmo and Billy still tugs at me.  Gizmo just has to say, “Bye Billy.”  The shopkeeper does inform them that one day they may be ready and the mogwai will be waiting for them.  It’s the thought that no one gave up on them completely but you must learn what’s necessary to take that next step.  Rand sends us off with the memorable dialogue.  “Well that’s the story.  So if your air conditioner goes on the fritz or your washing machine blows up or your video recorder conks out before you call the repairman turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds because you never can tell there just might be a gremlin in your house.

Perfect Ending

Conclusion
I wish I could put about 50 more images in this review but that would be ridiculous.  I put in my favorites so that’ll have to do.  I do have some more I’ll put at the end of all this.  If you read this far I appreciate it and hope you enjoy gremlins as much as I do.  The era it was made combined with the age I first saw it are probably why I’m so attached to it.  The score is brilliant and truly one of a kind as far as I know.  Here’s to the Gremlins and all the terror they brought to us.

Rating: 10 of 10
Can you find the mistake?
How polite
Gizmo gets it rough, the way he likes it
Home remodeling
Could this be any eviler?
Guns don't kill people, Gremlins do
Sunblock?
Barf bag anyone?


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Monday, August 6, 2012

Cry Uncle

Episode 19

Egon’s uncle comes to cash in on a promise Egon made to him in the past.  The result is the Ghostbusters minus one.  Peter, Ray and Winston lack the brain power to capture some ghosts on a call and set out to bring Egon back.  Egon’s uncle allows him to aid his fellow Ghostbusters one last time but that still doesn’t change his mind about Egon staying.  When the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man gets released we’ll see if Egon staying around is the best course of action after all.  This writer comes through again and makes a decent episode worthy of praise in the series.  It’s cool to get some relatives of the Ghostbusters thrown into the series too.

The Ghostbusters are out in the streets chasing after random ghosts.  The first capture sequence is classic as three of the Ghostbusters form a triangular shape around the ghost to blast it.  They lower it down as Ray throws the ghost trap to secure it.  It’s been a busy day thus far as they’ve caught seven ghosts already.  Usually when ghost activity is this high it means something big is on the way but is it this time?  Egon, while still on the call, is calculating when his uncle Cyrus will be arriving to New York City soon.  They have to pick him up apparently.  Ray tries to assure him they will, “We only have, uh, a couple more ghosts to go.”  Egon says, “Math was always Ray’s weakest subject.”  Unless that’s a bad joke I don’t see how that’s possible he’s a scientist and one of the smart Ghostbusters, book wise.  The ghosts they’re chasing are the same exacts ones they will encounter later in the episode so it may be safe to say that they didn’t catch them here.

You're lucky she doesn't have a proton pack Slimer
Back at the firehouse Janine is relaxing with lunch and a book until Slimer eats it all.  You have to love it when Slimer eats an inanimate object!  Janine is obviously pissed but what can you do at this point?  Slimer cowers away after his scolding and goes into the water cooler.  “For your sake I hope you haven’t done that before!”  Janine says.  Uncle Cyrus arrives and introduces himself to Janine.  Janine informs him what type of business this is.  “Ghost busting, nonsense, don’t insult my intelligence.”  Uncle Cyrus answers.  I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t believe in ghosts.  He was cleaning off his glasses, which he is practically blind without, and Janine takes them to get Slimer out of the water cooler.  If he doesn’t believe in ghosts why not let him see Slimer with his own eyes?  Uncle Cyrus leans down to pet Slimer, “You’ve been playing in the mud again haven’t you?”  He really is blind if he thinks Slimer is a cat.

The Ghostbusters return but they walk through the big doors.  Where is ecto-1?  Did they park it outside or leave it at the job site?  Uncle Cyrus refuses to believe Egon caught any ghosts or it’s possible he just wants Egon to meet his own ends.  I’m thinking the ladder to be honest.  He knows if Egon was so intelligent he wouldn’t chase around things that don’t exist right?  Peter quickly introduces everyone to Uncle Cyrus including Winston as a doctor!  Winston tries to decline while Peter hushes him.  It’s my favorite line of the episode.  Another call comes in as Janine tells them where to go.  Winston let’s Uncle Cyrus know that ‘seeing is believing’ in this line of work and he should come along.

A tad off the mark Dr. Venkman
On the call Ray’s gloves are discolored the entire episode which drives me crazy!  They’re colored to match his skin which looks weird.  Winston and Peter found some disturbance in a store but the PKE meter shows nothing.  It turns out to be a bunch of women fighting to the death over 50% off clothing items.  Uncle Cyrus isn’t impressed and questions defiantly if these are the ghosts.  Peter has an answer as usual, “Well no Dr. Spengler but they could be dangerous.  Maybe we outta zap them anyway.”  A ghost then shows up and scares the crap out of Ray forcing him to bump into Uncle Cyrus, knocking off his glasses.  You guessed it, Ray then steps on the glasses causing Uncle Cyrus to be blind while the Ghostbusters handle the ghosts.  Uncle Cyrus apparently doesn’t see a thing so his mind set of not believing in ghosts can remain intact.  These are different random ghosts than before and the black ooze with a million eyeballs is an awesome one.

Without Egon their collective IQ is suffering
Later on Uncle Cyrus pulls the old ‘You never broke a promise to me before’ line to coax Egon into helping him at his research lab some great distance away.  Egon and Uncle Cyrus escape in the night, apparently, as Janine finds the note of abandonment in the morning.  They don’t know, other than where he went, what entirely is going to happen now.  The scene ends and when it returns the firehouse is the setting.  I only note this because Janine is giving some very suggestive moans that seem to be echoing into the streets.  I’ll stop now as I’m sure it was meant as cries that Egon is gone but it’s still funny in a way.  A call comes in and they must go without Egon.  Here they run into the same ghosts from the beginning of the episode.  Ray informs the guys these particular ghosts only reveal themselves seldom so that poses a problem now.  I guess the ghosts felt like showing themselves earlier as they spooked the citizens of New York City.  The Ghostbusters minus Egon fail miserably and retreat.

Peter’s plan is to go to the research lab and get Egon back.  Well that’s a bit obvious but they trick Uncle Cyrus into thinking it’s their final case.  They want him to see Egon in action for real this time so as to let Egon stay.  I suppose a promise is unbreakable in the Spengler family but trickery flourishes!  It’s really great to try to get Uncle Cyrus on the case of the unseen ghosts too.  When they get to New York City Uncle Cyrus decides to be a turd and not go on the call.  Now what?  The master plan has failed before they even go on the call again.

Alien-tech courtesy of Dr. Egon Spengler
Upon arriving back at Central Park Egon has prepared some special specs for them to wear so as to see the ghosts.  He polarized the lenses to accept the ghost’s frequencies.  I always like the lingo that makes it sound so truthful.  They do refer to these ghosts as poltergeists throughout the show but that is contrary to what has been stated in episodes past at this point.  I think the writers just liked using the word poltergeist because it sounds supernatural.  They bust the ghosts with ease in a short but very much, cool scene.  Winston yells in excitement, “What a team!”  After realizing their team is about to be minus a member they sulk back to the firehouse.  Meanwhile Uncle Cyrus is up to no good as he messes around with the containment unit.  He just had to push a couple of buttons that happened to be code for ‘Let the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man out’.   Janine hits the emergency button that connects to ecto-1 to let them know that there is a problem at the firehouse.

He did what?!

The destruct-or is back!
It’s awesome to see the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man out and pissed off!  He looks mad and ready to exact some revenge on the Ghostbusters.  I take it he’s a fragment of the ectoplasm from the specter ghosts in a previous episode ‘Citizen Ghost’.  It’s all I can think of to explain his ghost form as he shifts through the firehouse.  Ray asks, “Has he gotten bigger since the last time?”  Peter replies, “I told you not to put veggies in the containment unit.”  How would vegetables make him bigger?  Don’t people eat more of those when they’re on a diet to lose weight?  He should have said something like stop putting bacon and eggs in the containment unit even though that would still sound stupid.  Luckily in this surprising and unexpected situation Winston has kept cool and come up with a plan.  They lose the big guy and set up a trap.  They use a cable to give him a trip while spreading out four ghost traps where he should fall.  To get his attention Egon yells, “Hey, umm, FATBOY!”  Stay Puft takes exception and comes for him even though the animation puts Peter in Egon’s place!

Your time is cut short I'm afraid Mr. Stay Puft
I’m sure Ray was relieved that he wasn’t responsible for Stay Puft’s release this time and the Ghostbusters trap the big marshmallow in four traps.  It’s funny that he sounds like a pig at times but they had to come up with some sound for him!  Back at the firehouse Egon states he is ready to head back but Uncle Cyrus says he has very important scientific work to do here.  I believe that is his way of saying ‘Sorry I screwed around with the equipment and let a giant marshmallow ghost out’.  He owed it to Egon to release that promise but will we ever see Uncle Cyrus again?  Will he be too embarrassed to show his face in this series again?  Slimer almost scares that manly mustache off of Uncle Cyrus by popping out of his water cup as Ray yells, “I take it back Peter, fry him!”  AWESOME!  Ray has finally understood that Slimer needs to be blasted!  Why does it end on that note?  Let’s see the little green turd get his true desserts.

Uncle Cyrus startled!

The release of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man saves the episode ‘big’ time. I loved this episode as a kid due to his appearance but then again anytime he was on the show I practically went in my pants in excitement.  I enjoyed the introduction but sadly the only appearance of Uncle Cyrus.  It’s a solid episode and should be loved by any fan of the series even without the theme music this time.

Rating: 7 of 10




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