Welcome to the Gremlins review! |
I trust you have your reading glasses as this isn’t your
average size review.
I’ve been trying to write this review for months and I
promise you whenever I tried to the computer would crash, my electricity would
go out or I’d mysteriously find the power cables to my computer station ripped
apart. I couldn’t put my finger on it
until that one fateful night..
Introduction
But that’s another story for another time we’re here now to
take a look at my second favorite movie of all time. I admire this film for its basic formula. You begin in a small area located in Anytown,
USA. It’s that place where everyone
knows everybody. It’s a quaint, docile
and peaceful place where the American dream hasn’t died yet until a foreign
element gets introduced. That element
comes in the form of a ‘Mogwai’. Now luckily for me I have access to translate
what that means into English for all of you, by way of my wife. ‘Mogwai’
is Chinese, specifically Cantonese for ‘monster’. Our cute little pal Gizmo may not be a
monster but its offspring fit the ticket.
Some people may believe this aspect of the movie is suggesting that
foreign influence in America is causing problems or is it just part of the
story? I never delved too deeply into
metaphors but for this particular movie it’s neat to wonder. Is the original form and behavior of Gizmo
good natured at first so the foreigner can safely get a foothold in America
then transform into chaos in the form of a gremlin? To me this theory is a bit foolish but I
enjoy twisting it around in my mind.
The ending of the movie shows the respectful old Chinese man
coming to take his ‘Mogwai’ back
after being swindled by his own grandson.
He strongly implies that the family wasn’t ready for the heavy
responsibilities of the ‘Mogwai’. He’s quite right of course. He goes on to add that the family treated it
the same way that our American society has treated all of natures gifts,
poorly. What a burn! It’s a cultural jab from Asia to America and
it rings loud and clear. Is it meant for
story though or is it sending a message through a movie? I’ve always allowed myself to enjoy this
movie for what it is on screen but after reading so much about the gremlins
franchise I’ve come across apparent ‘hidden
messages’ such as this one in the movie.
I believe this movie has been viewed so metaphorically because it’s a
classic through and through. If people
didn’t like it then it would be buried and long forgotten.
I love this movie for the memories it has brought me year
after year of watching it. I love this
movie for that time when I was 11 and watched it on December 31 and our old
ding-dong clock struck midnight just as the ending credits rolled up. I love this movie for the creepy, scary and
mean-spirited gremlins. I love this
movie because it frightened me as a child.
I love this movie because I can see the wires holding up the gremlins
arms from time to time. Finally, I love
this movie for tipping the scales on the family cinema deadbeats. It starts off fun, cute and jolly then turns
evil, ugly and nasty. You can’t pull
that off anymore with all the softness in this era. We kids used to be tough and able to handle a
scary little green monster even at Christmas.
I ramble but that’s my nature I do hope you understand what I mean.
Chinatown
The movie begins in Chinatown with Rand Peltzer being guided
by a kid into an old antique shop. I’ve
always liked the car that sits smashed into a pole as he approaches the stairs
leading down into the shop. The people
around the car are arguing about what happened is a neat background event going
on. I like Rand’s hesitation about going
downstairs too. Afraid of losing some of
the merchandise you’re trying to push around?
You must take a risk! As he walks
around in the shop I remember this being what I thought all of China was like,
a dark, dusty and lonely atmosphere.
Back in the 1980’s the influence in my part of the country about China
was bleak so all I knew about it was what I caught in movies. I felt that China was worlds away and there
way of life was as alien as another planet.
It’s amazing what you think of as a kid but the world has changed since
then. I honestly didn’t think negatively
about a culture I didn’t know.
Getting more than he bargained for |
Classic |
As the holidays near the sheriff of the town strolls about
to get his hands on a Christmas tree for the police station. He doesn’t want to pay for one and tries to
get one for free. A local catches wind
of it and informs the sheriff that he paid for his. Eat that you cheapskate sheriff!
Meet Billy
We head over to our lead man Billy Peltzer, son of Rand, who
is trying to start his POS car to drive to work. His neighbor Mr. Futterman pulls up in his
Kentucky harvester that he is extremely proud of since its American machinery. He is a loyal citizen that bashes on Billy’s
foreign piece of crap car! Billy decides
to hoof it and takes his dog to work with him.
It must be take your dog to work day?
As he runs to work he passes an old school Burger King restaurant, which
brings back memories. Did I say
that? I guess that means I’m getting
old. Remember the Burger King Kids Club? I better stay on track. Billy enters the bank as the security guard
lets the dog in too. Hey the dog wasn’t
strapped so it clears entry! Billy’s
cute co-worker Kate enters the movie showing an obvious fondness for him. The mean old lady Mrs. Deagle charges down
the street furious about something but when you see her she looks like a person
who always has a bug up their butt anyway.
She does stop to inform a lady with two kids that the bank will not be
handing out money to them even on Christmas.
Basically you want something awful to happen to this old lady already.
She complains to Billy that his dog broke a fancy snowman of
hers and she now wants the dog. Billy
being a nice guy offers compensation but the old lady wants blood, Barney’s
blood (the dog). She gets nasty about
what she’ll do to the dog. I personally
find this line as my favorite, “Maybe
I’ll put him in my spin dryer on high heat.” And the local old guy comments, “That’d do it alright.” That’s all you say? Not something like what is wrong with you
lady? Are you that demented to treat a
dog that way? It’s awesome though and it
sets her up for something special later on no doubt! The dog eventually jumps up from hiding and
destroys the rest of her precious snowman figure while downing the old
lady. A scuttle occurs in which Billy
nearly loses his job. To end the scene
Mrs. Deagle fakes that her heart is acting up to gain sympathy from the guys in
charge at the bank.
Dorry’s Tavern
Incredible drawing I had to throw it in here |
The Mogwai
Always so cute & adorable at first |
#$%@ Billy! |
Billy and Gizmo get in some keyboard time which accounts for
a nice scene. Of course that ends with
Gizmo head first into a trash can after Billy already breaks a rule. He reflects a bright light off a mirror and
shines it directly into Gizmo’s face!
It’s really funny, sorry Gizmo.
Billy is even laughing while he takes Gizmo out of the trash can. He takes the little guy to the bathroom to
bandage up the bump on his head and yet again fails in the bright light
department. He lets Gizmo get a nice
blast of light from the bathroom illumination.
Water
Pete (Corey Feldman) arrives at the Peltzer’s with their
Christmas tree. He’s actually dressed as
a tree delivering a tree, it’s a neat gag. He discovers that Billy tried to use
his Dad’s invention to make orange juice but like the rest of the inventions it
didn’t work so well. What I like about
the event is I don’t think Billy cleaned up the huge mess. He goes upstairs to change his shirt, I
suppose it’s possible he did but it’s much more fun to assume he didn’t! Gizmo meanwhile is in Billy’s room watching
TV. A race car movie of some kind is on
and the little guy is really into it, he’s so cute. Pete meets Gizmo then Billy decides he wants
to see if he’ll sing for him. He moves
him onto the desk although couldn’t he sing on the bed where he was? Gizmo is a performer he needs a stage! Pete elbows over some paintbrushes on the
desk along with some water in an awful attempt to pick up Gizmo and now the
setting gets interesting. Five balls of
fur pop out from Gizmo and land on the desk.
They begin to grow and take the form of Gizmo with slightly different
attitudes.
Not to be trifled with |
The mogwai with the stripe on his head nearly bites off
Pete’s finger as he quickly backs off and pouts on the bed. He’s not crying but he’s a bit defensive as
the mogwai tried to get him. Gizmo looks
very grief stricken as he watches his offspring across the desk. Its apparent Gizmo has had this happen to him
before and knows what might be in store.
Billy meanwhile is amazed at the multiplication of the mogwai.
Party at the Peltzer's, soon the whole town |
The mogwai’s, save for Gizmo, managed to sneak out and
tangle Barney, the dog, up in the Christmas lights outside. Billy blames Mrs. Deagle but how could an old
lady do that in the middle of the night?
You’re little bundles of joy are up to no good. Billy decides to take one of them to Mr.
Hanson at the local school. He drops
some water on it and makes a mogwai for Mr. Hanson to keep. Isn’t Billy generous? You easily could have got $5 for it.
A Gremlin Warning
Billy meets Kate as she closes up Dorry’s Tavern one
night. Mr. Futterman is piss drunk and
rambling on and on about gremlins being shipped over in cars and such. He claims they took down our planes in
WWII. He continues his bashing of
foreign merchandise sticking to the made in America theme. It is funny to watch him and also notice
Billy and Kate ignoring his banter. Let
this be a lesson to you all, listen to your local drunk babbling man, he could
have some very pertinent information for you.
Kate tricks him into walking home since driving a Kentucky harvester
home could lead to problems worse than if a gremlin was driving it. Billy walks Kate home like a gentleman and
they talk about Christmas. Kate doesn’t
celebrate it though and that strikes Billy as absurd. They bicker a bit but eventually he musters
up the courage to ask her on a date. You
know the more I watch this movie the younger Billy gets. He used to seem much older. I never thought of that until now. I’m not getting any younger that’s for sure,
ha-ha. Let’s get back to the movie,
sorry.
You just made an enemy Mr. Hanson |
Mom I'm taking off, I'll leave these here with you OK? |
Metamorphosis
Billy wakes up the next morning with a surprise. The mogwai are gone but five turd shaped
piles remain on the floor. Gizmo looks
scared out of his mind as he knows what is about to go down. Mom asks if he got them wet but he
didn’t! He is innocent of breaking the
rules on that front. However he did
manage to break the final rule which is not to feed them after midnight. Congratulations Billy you failed the
responsibility test from the old shopkeeper!
Billy then discovers that his clock was not working because the wire was
torn apart. What is going on
indeed? He then heads over to check on
Mr. Hanson who has a turd in a cage.
They’re cocoons actually so I’ll cut the crap about the turds. Did you like that? I know I’m terrible. Pete is with them and asks, “What did you say this was called, the
putrid stage?” Close Pete but stay
in school. Mr. Hanson corrects him by
informing that it’s the pupil stage. He
adds, “Inside he’s going through
changes, lots of changes.” Pete
replies, “Like my mother?” Not exactly Pete unless your mom is a mogwai.
From feisty to vicious overnight |
Hatching
Now we’re getting to
the creepy part of the movie and none too soon I’ll say. Mr. Hanson is showing a video in his
classroom when his box starts to move and shift on its own. The dark classroom adds quite a scary effect. At Billy’s home the cocoons are also hatching
while frightening poor Gizmo to death.
Mr. Hanson gives Billy a call informing him that it hatched so Billy
heads on over. Billy why don’t you think
straight, what about mom? Mom couldn’t
possibly defend herself against such an unknown being! What will she do at home? Mr. Hanson meanwhile decides to get a head
start on locating his new best friend.
Is that the best idea at this point?
Well he did come prepared with a candy bar after all. The scene is scary, especially when I was
kid, as he moves around in the dark looking for the gremlin. The gremlin mutters the infamous, “Ca Ca” that I always crack up on. Eventually he feeds the gremlin not only the
candy bar but his hand as well. The
gremlin exacts revenge and upon killing Mr. Hanson it sticks a needle in his
butt for good measure.
I told you Mr. Hanson, I told you |
One of my single favorite screenshots of all time |
Mom’s Killing Spree
She makes it up to Billy’s room and notices the broken
cocoons. Billy calls her to tell her the
news she pretty much knew already. A
gremlin rips the phone line out while saying, “Phone home, ca-ca!” That has
to be a slight to E.T. and its hilarious!
Music begins playing from downstairs ‘Do you hear what I hear?’
These gremlins do have quite a sense of humor. She heads down to shut it off on the record
player, remember those? A piece of glass
is thrown and nearly hits her that is definitely a startling moment, especially
for first time viewers. Let’s get to the
kitchen scene which is one of my favorites in any movie I’ve ever seen. She creeps up to find one of the gremlins
eating her gingerbread cookies. It hears
her and that evil glare it gives as it turns to look is sinister. It knows she is there but doesn’t seem to be
afraid in anyway, it wants the cookies!
She looks again and the gremlin dives head first to eat straight from
the blender. She turns it on and
splatters that sucker all over the kitchen.
Beyond well done please |
Stripe, the leader of the gremlins, blows his nose on the
curtain and crashes outside in escape.
I’ll always remember when my mom said how bad he was when he blew his
nose on the curtain. I suppose that’s
something no mother would want to happen to her curtains, ha-ha. Billy takes his mom to the doctor’s house for
safety then ventures back to his home to look over his mom’s handy work. He finds Gizmo in the laundry and puts him
into his backpack but not before exposing little Gizmo to bright light
again. Billy this is why you have
gremlin problems! Respect the rules man!
Billy heads out to find Stripe and end this before it gets
out of hand. I’m positive he can do
it. He follows Stripe’s footprints to a
familiar location, the YMCA. Isn’t there
a pool in that place? I don’t suppose
Stripe would.. Billy heads inside with
sword in hand to finish the job. He ends
up getting clawed across the chest by Stripe then watching as the little
monster jumps into the pool. There’s no
stopping what’s to come at this point and all Billy can do is run away or be
clawed to death by who knows how many gremlins.
I love as Stripe descends into the water that he’s holding his
nose. It doesn’t take long as new
gremlins are born. The music for this
movie is amazing. I love the score playing
as the pool area is fogging up and turning chaotic. Stripe has created new friends and now seeks
entertainment for all of them.
Local Police
A logical thing to do would be to let the police know about
this strange situation and Billy does just that. I’m not sure what I would do; probably try to
cover up the fact that I was partly responsible for a massive outbreak of
gremlins. Anyway the local police are
just a pair of drunken fools interested in a wacky story. It’s Christmas Eve and crime in a small town
like this is probably scarce. Billy is
very serious and trying to warn them of what’s to come but they mock him. He tells them he got one of these creatures
as a present. The sheriff asks, “Does your father always give you vicious
little monsters as a present?” Its
great dialogue because Billy sounds a bit high strung and they’re drunk. Billy eventually decides to show them Gizmo
but for once he asks them to dim the lights!
He finally follows a rule; it’s a freaking miracle and its Christmas
time!
How again do they survive this? |
The Futterman’s
A classic older couple is enjoying their countless Christmas
Eve together. Actually the wife seems a
bit too merry for the season or the husband is a bit of a grump but it rings
the true American spirit if you ask me.
It seems that the monotonous lifestyle they live has hardened Mr.
Futterman. It’s a good thing this isn’t
your regular Christmas. The TV starts to
get some major static so Mr. Futterman complains they should have got a
Zenith. He hates foreign anything so for
those of you that don’t know your Zenith TV is indeed American made. He can’t live without his precious TV so he
heads outside to check some things out.
What he finds is that gremlins have not only been messing with the antennae
but they have taken a liking to his Kentucky harvester. I love this aspect of the gremlins being
reckless with anything technological. It
fits right in with stories of gremlins bringing down airplanes in WWII. The gremlins, laughing all the way, demolish
the house in the Kentucky harvester along with the Futterman’s apparently. His last words are shouting, “There’s a real gremlin in my cab, AHHH!”
Gizmo don't like the 5-0 |
The scenes begin to change more quickly now as the outbreak
of gremlins takes effect. Remember back
to the beginning of the movie with the guy who calmly agrees that to kill a dog
by putting it in a dryer on high heat should do it? His emotionless agreement was odd and not in
Christmas spirit that’s for sure so as he tries to send a letter a gremlin
mauls his hand inside the mailbox. It’s
a bit of a random scene but it fits in great!
A gremlin elsewhere fools around with traffic lights to cause a car
crash too! It’s awesome to see the chaos
begin slowly. Meanwhile back at ‘drunken cops are us’, the calls start
coming in that strange events are occurring throughout the town. Maybe Billy is right guys. They tell Billy to go home and stay put
basically while they head out to see what’s going on.
A few modifications and you'll be ready to go! |
Deagle
Here is another evil and delightful scene for that old hag
Mrs. Deagle. She is a notorious ‘cat lady’ and is a ‘Scrooge’ in her own way. She
hears some wonderful Christmas caroling coming from outside and decides to be a
horrible person. She fetches some water to
hurl on the unsuspecting carolers.
Little does she know but a gremlin has made its way into her home and is
tampering with her fancy chair that helps her up to the next level in her
house. She opens her front door to do
her dastardly deed and nearly has a heart attack! The gremlins are comically caroling to her as
she thinks ‘death’ has come for
her. She panics and climbs into her
chair to make an escape. She rockets up
the whirling staircase and blasts out of the window as the gremlins laugh their
butts off! It was Stripes plan all along
as he pronounced Deagle as, “Dickle”
just before the scene. This is Stripes
movie to control and I’m all for it.
The policemen pull up just in time to see Mrs. Deagle crash
land into the snow. The gremlins keep
laughing hysterically at her as the policemen see a man who plays Santa every
year come busting out toward them from a house.
He has gremlins all over him and is pleading for help. “What’s
that stuff he’s got all over him?”
The sheriff asks. The police duo
decide to roll up the window and drive away as either sobering up from these
events or the gremlins are scaring them beyond belief. Now that we know the police won’t be of any
help what are we to do now? By the way a
gremlin ripped out the brake line in their car while they watched Santa get
mauled. The gremlins are now in control
of the night as we wonder what can stop them.
Billy gets his car to start which appears as a miracle to
him and he’s off but where to? His dad
meanwhile who is out of town stops off and tries to hawk his smokeless ashtray
to a gas station attendant. He works the
holidays and during a snowstorm!
Looking for a good time? |
Dorry’s Tavern – Gremlin Style
It might possibly be the best scene in the movie. What we have are the gremlins indulging in
the confines of a bar so how could this miss?
I’ll do my best to give this justice but seeing it will always remain
the ultimate. Why Kate is still
bartending to all these rambunctious creatures is a mystery but she might be
afraid of what would happen if she stopped.
The gremlin hanging onto the ceiling fan while it’s spinning is always
great. How about the flasher
gremlin? The environment these guys
create is so out of control it’s amazing.
It’s a ‘do whatever you want’
mentality that spawns such wild behavior!
Let’s hit the pool table where they’re using a mallet to hit pool balls
into beer bottles set up in bowling pin style! The gremlin shouts “Fore” when he strikes the ball too so
how many recreational activities did they combine? Also note the crazy gremlin in the background
with the eight ball lodged in its mouth.
Stripe don't take kindly to cheats |
Kate’s Story
Easily the part I hated most as a kid watching this
movie. I didn’t care what she had to
say, all I knew is that this scene ended some crazy gremlin fun. Now I love it for its dreary and sadness. I’m not one of those pain freaks but it’s a
meaningful story in Kate’s past that explains why she isn’t a fan of
Christmas. How would you feel if your
beloved father died while trying to make his little girl happy Christmas
morning? That would be something you
might not ever get over. It’s amazing
how you can go from chaos at a bar to story time in a bank but it works very
well. Billy also explains that these are
indeed gremlins since it hasn’t actually been said that they are yet with
exception of Mr. Futterman. Its apparent
Gizmo can understand English too as he shows sorrow for her story. They head outside after some time has passed
to see what will happen next. What else
could they be thinking? I love seeing
Gizmo peeking out of Billy’s backpack too, it’s funny.
Always loved this guy |
Theater
The gremlins, led by Stripe no doubt, have taken to hiding
in the local cinema. It will be daylight
soon so they need a place to hang out until nightfall. As usual they’re a mess by either swinging
from the ceiling by rope or somehow getting a movie to play. I love the gremlin that has popcorn bags on
its ears. Billy, Kate and Gizmo stumble
in to find them all watching ‘Snow White
and the Seven Dwarfs’. They
absolutely love it and even sing along, it’s fantastic! Stripe gets a case of the munchies and heads
out to the concession stands while his buddy says, “Milk Dud.” Billy has other
plans as he sneaks below the theater to release the gas. Why would he want to do that? Stripe discovers that there’s no more food
out front and with his eagle eyes spots a sign that glows ‘Candy’ in the distance.
Being the leader he is he goes off to get some sweets for his buddies. Meanwhile below Billy closes the door and
sets fire to a cloth or paper of some kind that tails out from the room. Does he plan to blow up this building? In this day in age he would be considered a
terrorist not a hero. He’ll always be an
arsonist to me though!
For the 4 sec we see him it's hilarious |
Billy you SOB! |
Department Store – Graveyard of Stripe
The one on one matchup is underway as Billy tries to stop
the mischievous Stripe! Kate takes Gizmo
to attempt to restore power to the store which would greatly aid in the
defeating of Stripe. Billy grabs a bat
and hunts down Stripe. First we see some
old school boom boxes and giant TV’s with huge backsides. Billy doesn’t care as he bashes and smashes
them with his bat mistaking it for Stripe as he appeared on the screen. Why not destroy everything? You can always blame it on the gremlins! I like how Stripe can’t resist the urge to
screw around with Billy. He had a chance
to attack Billy right in the face area from a concealed position but chose not
to. Stripe wants Billy to suffer for the
massacre of his people! Kate has no clue
what she is turning on in the store and activates the fountain, great job. Stripe nearly connected a sizable razor blade
to Billy’s face. What I really enjoy is
Stripe using a skateboard and tricycle as means of transportation throughout
this fiasco.
Rooting for you Stripe |
Bubbly goodness |
I won't have what he had |
You know what I like about Stripe; he got the classic ‘delayed death bad guy treatment’ as he
got one last chance to scare you into ‘soilment’. He jumps out of the fountain and becomes no
more. Also ‘soilment’ is the act of soiling oneself; sure it’s a real word.
The Shopkeeper Returns
The old man sneaks into the house and startles the, well you
know, out of the battle scarred mom. He
wants the mogwai back and claims that the word sold is, “An interesting choice of words.”
I love this guy’s knack for insulting, it gets better. In case you didn’t know that old man is
actually 80 years old, no joke. I tell
you I’d never have guessed if I didn’t look it up. I don’t know it just amazes me. “I
warned you with mogwai comes much responsibility but you didn’t listen. And you see what happens. Aiya.
You do with mogwai what your society has done with all of nature’s
gifts. You do not understand. You are not ready.” The old man lectures the family which he has
a valid point. It’s interesting how it’s
thought that western civilization isn’t capable of using nature in the correct
way. I believe Gizmo represents the
delicacy of nature and how it must be treated but we fail or at the time of the
movie we did anyway. Either way for
story line or actual meaning I admire it.
The heartfelt parting of Gizmo and Billy still tugs at
me. Gizmo just has to say, “Bye Billy.” The shopkeeper does inform them that one day
they may be ready and the mogwai will be waiting for them. It’s the thought that no one gave up on them
completely but you must learn what’s necessary to take that next step. Rand sends us off with the memorable
dialogue. “Well that’s the story. So if
your air conditioner goes on the fritz or your washing machine blows up or your
video recorder conks out before you call the repairman turn on all the lights,
check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds because you never
can tell there just might be a gremlin in your house.”
Perfect Ending |
Conclusion
I wish I could put about 50 more images in this review but
that would be ridiculous. I put in my
favorites so that’ll have to do. I do
have some more I’ll put at the end of all this.
If you read this far I appreciate it and hope you enjoy gremlins as much
as I do. The era it was made combined
with the age I first saw it are probably why I’m so attached to it. The score is brilliant and truly one of a
kind as far as I know. Here’s to the
Gremlins and all the terror they brought to us.
Rating: 10 of 10
Can you find the mistake? |
How polite |
Gizmo gets it rough, the way he likes it |
Home remodeling |
Could this be any eviler? |
Guns don't kill people, Gremlins do |
Sunblock? |
Barf bag anyone? |
Links
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i thought it was made in the 90s...
ReplyDeletethe second movie was
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